This is hurting too much. 

HELP.

Things are so shit in my life from my point of view. In others eyes it might not seem so bad, but in my own little bubble things are in a frenzy of confusion, dislike and paranoia. Poof. Gone is me.

Argh. Ugh. Foul. Lets go !

So …. where to begin today. Not much has happened recently, just the daily grind. Been back home for the weekend for the parents 23rd Wedding Anniversay and went for a meal earlier tonight. I wonder how they do it ? to stay commited and still love each other for that many years. Im not one to comment on peoples relationships, let alone my own parents but they seem to have quite opposite personalities, I wonder if they only stay together for my sake. Heck its lovely to see that though, so happy for them.

Back to London tomorow, equipped with two new sweaters and gloves from a cheeky visit to Bluewater. Burton and H&M never let me down. In fact they do a lot, nevermind. The gloves do make me feel like a hipster but in reality I probably look like a child molester with them on, with their Freddy Krueger inspired colour scheme. Sigh. Bit of a mentally tough weekend. Feel a bit lost but I know without that special little lady in my life I would be blind in life. I do love her and I can’t to be with her in the summer, everything will be good again.   There will be focus back in my life again 🙂

Need to get cracking on my project. Life is revoling around uni at the moment. Come June education is over and the real lessons is life actually begin. On a final note I dont like the way music is being over sexualized and influencing young girls to talk and act like hookers.

Laters !

 

 

Confusion

Cant say my mood has been good over the last 48 hours 😦 just wish things were like how I picture it in my head. But that’s what everyone wants isn’t it? I feel so drained, and I know I don’t want to give up. Just need my old spark back, I lost it long ago. This fact has been acknowledged by people around me; recently saying I have become more serious than I used to be which saddens me and makes my stomach turn.

Pretty uninteresting weekend as of yet, nothing out of the ordinary. Getting a bit hooked to instragram but it will wear off soon as do many other things with me. Suns out. Looks nice. Wish I had some people to enjoy it with.

Beginning of the End

So Im back in London. Hurray ? A time for joy, NO. Definitely not. Everything promises so much from the past but when we get further down the line it’s pretty shit. For example the classes selected seem to be all ridiculously hard with no hope in hell in passing. YAY.

On another note the haircut has been done and for once Im not entirely disappointed. I even got compliments, this is new to regarding my hair. Went around Westfield’s today to browse around for new threads … safe to say nothing took my fancy OR too much choice to comprehend. I want boots. Even though I cant wear clothes properly and by properly I mean in a “fashionable” way. I can blame this on my body type and my horrible features. Fact : clothes do not hang well on Paras.  Today I sported a rather fetching Jean jacket with a white v neck top underneath topped off with el classico, Black skinny jeans. Do not worry this is not a fashion blog whatsoever ! I just felt like I wore something presentable to the public today.  Cant say I turned a few heads 😉

I really need to fix my fucked up sleep cycle, its not doing me any favours. Lets see what I can get up to in the next week. I’ll challenge myself to say “yes” to as many things as possible over the next week. Maybe some interesting may happen to my extremely dull life .

Well that’s basically it.

Tomorrow is my last day of the Christmas break from that shit hole known as east London. On Sunday Im getting shipped off back to Uni. YAY. 5 of my 6 semesters for University have now been completed, just this last one. The worst.   My brain is in agony, I swear the pressure is getting to me. Oh well, fuck it I suppose.  Summer soon. Well okay no its not but I can try and look forward to it. Started drawing up some plans in my head already

1. Go Abroad.
2. Hit some festivals.
3. Find my friends again and go out at least twice a week seeing them get wrecked.
4. Beach, Barbeques, Football, Police.
5. Watch a million films.
6. Sun bathe but don’t get tanned … which in essence defeats the idea of sun bathing.
7. Maybe find a Career, and start a full time job for the rest of my life.

Sorted.

Haircut tommorrow. Wish. Me. Luck.

The picture below represents my brain’s current status. Fucked.

Brown boy out x

 

Hello cynical people of the Internet !

So here it is, my first ever real blog. None of that fake tumblr business ( although ironically I do have a tumblr, check it out: http://simplyprocrastination.tumblr.com its pretty here and there but it does a decent job of compiling generic hipster shit I like). I was recommend by a gorgeous friend of mine that I should start a blog, but honestly I don’t know what I should be doing on here. Recording my daily events ? Pictures ? Interesting things in my dull life ?

Perhaps Im way out of my depth. Lets see how it goes then 🙂

BYE